It might seem odd to write what is happening live on Facebook but it calms me down, keeps a record, and makes me feel like I'm talking to friends, which I am (thank you very much) because I feel supported when I see the comments.
I totally lost it and put my head down on the seat and was crying so much when talking to Katie that I couldn't get the words out. Popping the Ativan that I meant to save for the surgery, plus talking to her, calmed me down. I was able to joke that the big driver in chains probably wouldn't kill me because it didn't look good.
I need to file a complaint with MART, the MassHealth transportation service, but they keep you on hold so long that I need to do it on my landline when I get home.
My expectations for the Mohs were worse than what actually happened.
I don't think they teach you this anywhere – expect the worst and then you'll be pleasantly surprised if it isn't so bad – but that is what happened.
I had worried that the squamous cell on my calf was so large that they would need to take a graft from my side like they did for the one on my ankle recently. (It was larger than a nickel but smaller than a quarter.) But it wasn't necessary.
I envisioned having to get a lot of hair cut for the one on my scalp, but they only snipped a little.
They give local anesthesia with needles into the area and cut away.
They send the sample off to see if the margins are clear, and if not, they repeat the process for multiple passes if necessary.
The margins were clear on both so I was done with that.
Little scaly spots on my skin, which I was afraid would need to be biopsied, got zapped. Base of thumb, neck, and forehead. Little blisters today.
Margaret picked me up and took me to Needham.
Nick said the bandage looked like a yarmulka.
I reminded him that the last time I was there, he said the bandage across my forehead made me look like a Revolutionary War casualty.
This is all my kind of humor and made me laugh.
He prepared a nice dinner and then we talked for a while and went to bed early for me (9-ish.) I said I should stay there more because I'm away from the distractions at home that invite me to putter around to all hours. At bedtime, the pain on the top of my head and on my calf warranted an oxycodone .
This is problematic because opiates disrupt normal sleep patterns, causing you to feel like you are never totally asleep and to even feel like you're hallucinating. Still, this half-sleep is better than lying awake in pain.
I went to sleep but woke up around 2 a.m. and went down to the kitchen and wrote an email.
Then it was back to bed and up again around 4. I listened to part of Thich Nhat Hahn's Deep Blissful Meditation, drifted back to sleep, woke up at a normal hour and asked for strong coffee.
After a while, I took The Ride to Dana-Farber for an uneventful ECP (from 1 to 4) and a normal ride home with a driver who was no problem except for a stream of consciousness about why he is such a good driver.
When the nurse called earlier rom the Mohs office to check on me, I asked if she thought it was OK for me to go to a reading. She said she didn't see why not as long as I wasn't standing too long or running around.
So in a quick turnaround, Mimi picked me up at 6:45, about 20 minutes after I got home. We went to the Florence Civic Center to hear our former colleague and gifted writer, Fred Contrada, read from his collection, The Columns of Fred Contrada. Fred was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's. The room was full. You could feel the admiration and support.
I had only had a snack or two for dinner. Herrell's beckoned; it was on the way home after all. I thought I would get my usual two scoops of something boring until the woman in front of me pointed out the brownie bowl. That looked good so I took it, figuring I would get vanilla to fill it.
It turns out it came with ice cream, hot fudge, whipped cream and a topping. I choose walnuts.
I sat down with Mimi to eat what I guess you would call dinner.
On the way home the stitches in my scalp started acting up again, so I knew I would need another oxycodone. I took that and as of this writing am wondering how the night will play out.
Tomorrow when I have the time to stay on hold for who knows how long, I will file that complaint with MART.