Sleepless in South Hadley

The Mount Holyoke clock has chimed five times, the birds chirp louder, and I finally decide to get out of bed after being awake since 3 a.m., trying to get sleepy to no avail through a 10-minute meditation on the free Headspace app on my iPhone, a head-to-toe body scan for relaxation, and telling myself how tired I will be when driving to Dana-Farber if I DON'T GO BACK TO SLEEP which of course only works in the reverse.

 Instead of Maddie waking me up, I wake her up. She comes over to me sleepy eyed, looking like she is wondering, "What are you doing?"

I peek at Twitter. I might as well get a head start on the news of the day. True confessions: I look at dating sites. I get a message from a man who likes my profile. He writes, "Looking for someone that enjoys sports. I am a Bruins fa. Watch the Patriots. If you play golf or are learning that part is great. It is not necessary to be into sports.I if you are great ,if you are not, not a big deal. Conversations is nice,excluding polliyics and religion."

Now this is me: thinking that since I am up so early I can watch Morning Joe from the beginning, and that might not even give me my fill of politics for the day.

 I am not nervous about the trip to Boston and the two days of ECP. It is just the rigmarole.

Also last night I violated my own rule: No writing before bed. Put the computer away and read a book or The New Yorker.

But the muse appeared, as did Trader Joe's Soy Creamey Cherry Chocolate Chip non-dairy frozen dessert, which spoke to me from my freezer. (Cherry Garcia without the dairy! No prob!) This was after 9 p.m. It was not good, especially since I started a story for the Italian-American series but did not finish it. Instead, my mind tried finishing it when it should have been resting.

Last Sunday night I took half an Ativan (5 mgs.) before bed, like I used to do in the old days when I was nervous before appointments. But I took it too late, causing me to oversleep the next morning and be late to tennis and rushing to everything else.

I didn't take it last night, but I think I should until I get this routine down. I just need to take it earlier, maybe even 7 p.m., because it lasts longer than I realize.

I hardly ever use it (my bottle from October 2014 still has pills in it) but this is definitely a good use.