Saturday, July 16, 2011

To glom, or not to glom

I can't speak for everyone, but I imagine that for most, when something really bad has happened to you, you come across land mines everywhere that can set off anxiety about whatever it is that you fear.

With time, you hopefully learn to dodge them.

I thought about this while interviewing a doctor for a newspaper story I am writing (more on this later) that involves me and other people as well. It's basically a health and science story, hence the doctor interview. We hit it off right away over the phone; I liked him a lot and he gave me good information. Naturally, I summarized my history of the four transplants.

He was very encouraging and said he thought I'd do extremely well. Then he said, "The only thing that gives me trepidation is that you relapsed the first time after 3 1/2 years."

Whoa.

Please nobody tell me about trepidation.

He then modified his statement by telling me what I already know, that my first transplant, using my own stem cells, was not therapeutic in terms of keeping leukemia away, while my last one, with Denise in there to fend off invaders, is another story. (Thank you Denise. I provide the coffee and cake and cheer you on, while you do the work.)

I know that he's not my doctor and doesn't know my case, and all that, but still, a word like "trepidation" can be one of those land mines.

You step on some of them so quickly you don't know what's happened, but you can avoid others. I realized that in this case I had a choice. Obviously it bothered me, or else I wouldn't be writing about it,
but I saw its potential and tried hard not to go there.

I think it worked pretty well.

5 comments:

Nelle said...

Good for you. Ronni, statistics were what got to me. My son had a 35% chance of surviving. Then I realized someone had to be in that group and he was. The doctors were not very optomistic due to several factors but he has survived TWENTY years.

Ann said...

I think the doctor spoke reflexively when he used the word "trepidation". Thankfully, he explained himself. You've been in the trenches for a long time and know more than most. Happy to see that you were able to separate yourself from the remark. Can't wait to read the article when it's published.

pam said...

Dearest Runder-Woman -- After all you have conquered -- not just survived -- all of the

Trials and Tribulations! -- what's mere trepidation!

As someone so too sensitive to anxiety -- ptsd -- with that agenbite of inwit worry gene -- i also feel the murmur of an attack start with that word -- and the landscape potentially filled with omens --
kudos -- Amazon-Ronni -- for mowing down -- sorry for the metaphor -- can't think of a better one -- the anhh!

You are truly inspiring for all of us -- not just cancer survivors -- and more power to Nelle for her posting! xop
cool word -- glom -- will look it up -- must have to do with gloom? an Americanism?

Robin said...

You are pretty inspiring and I'm quite sure ready and able to kick trepidation's butt!

liz said...

Hi Everyone,
With Ronni's permission I would like to tell you about a new, peer-to-peer social support network called I Had Cancer.

It is a free social support network focused on connecting people based on experiences with cancer so that they can easily communicate with one another and share information. I would love to tell you more if you are interested, so please let me know!I would love to send you an early-access pass with extra invites for others you may know going through this journey.

Thank you- Liz@ihadcancer.com-IF anyone would like info on I Had Cancer please email me.