Whine time

It hasn't been a very good week. I've felt sick on and off, with low energy, nausea, vomiting and stomach pain. At least the headache went away.

Melissa returned a call one day when I was still in bed at 1:15 p.m. I had no idea. She said to get up and at least drink something. Most days I haven't gotten up that late – usually around 10:30. When I get up, I take two Maalox and wait to feel better. Usually it works.

I was at Deb's the other day and she said to give in, chill out, lie on the couch. I've written about this before, and so have other people. I don't want to lie down. It makes it seem like I'm sick. So I didn't follow her advice. Instead, I played indoor tennis with my friend Joe. Most of the time I did get the ball over, but I popped a lot of shots into the air on my side. I felt pretty bad and apologized. I asked if I could have another chance, and he said of course and pointed out that I had just gotten out of the hospital. I bought him a coffee and we shared a cookie, and I felt better, but still kind of embarrassed.

It was freezing all week. The next day, the heat konked out in the kitchen and my bedroom. Those two rooms are in different zones – the addition we built when Katie was born. This has happened before. I like it cool in the house, but this was really cold. A called our local heating company, and for some reason the man who came over was totally flummoxed. From upstairs I heard cursing, banging and clanging. He said we needed a part that he just happened to have. When he went to install it, he ripped a piece off. More cursing. He said he couldn't stand it anymore and called his boss. The boss came over and fixed it. This took hours of turning the thermostat on and off.

Yesterday I needed to do a little shopping. Once again I wasn't quite up to it, but I did it anyway. I took Maddie, who is not a city dog. She went crazy, pulling every which way. It wasn't fun for either of us. Before I finished I put her in the car. When I came home, I fell asleep on the couch, the phone in my hand.

It's 2:30 and I'm going to walk the dog, even though I don't feel like it. I think it's a little warmer now.

Also I think all week I've been trying to prove something. I may have the lingering effects of the virus, but I am not sick.

I was sick a year ago today, and now I'm doing that pernicious thing, sick=relapse. Most of us are suspicious about bad anniversaries and optimistic about good ones, when in fact, it's just a day. Dec. 21st (tomorrow) will be one year since I relapsed. It was snowy weather like this when Joe drove me to Diane's, who took me to the emergency room. On the drive over, I kept saying, "I'm not going to see my grandchildren." I was admitted to the hospital, where I stayed for three and a half months.

Joe is home from college now, which is great. He's going to drive me to Dana-Farber for my check-up tomorrow. We'll listen to sports talk on the radio, just like we did when he drove me in the summer. I hope that will be a good enough distraction.

P.S. I am enabling a "comment moderation" feature because I have getting a lot of spammers. I am sorry if this is a pain for most readers, who are not spammers. As for the others: GO AWAY! I am only going to delete your comment anyway.