Saturday, October 18, 2008


I dreamt I had straight shoulder-length hair that my hairdresser had colored with a henna rinse.

I danced around to show it off to my mother. "Should you have done that?" she asked. "It will rinse right out," I promised. My mother looked worried, and then I grew worried too.

"Don't tell my oncologist!" I said.

The hair dreams weave in and out of my sleep. In all of those dreams, my hair is longer and dark. I am usually surprised and pleased. Other cancer survivors have told me of their similar dreams.

I often dream about storms, about running from high waves threatening to engulf me. Or I dream that I am driving my car and not totally in control. I try to squeeze into small spaces. I go too close to the end of a cliff. I get stuck in reverse and struggle to get out.

The other night I dreamt that I was at a picnic. I looked up and saw dark clouds shaped like a twister. I tried to get everyone to run and hide. But they said I was over-reacting. I took a chance and came out from where I was hiding. The twister disappeared. The sky was still dark, but the threat of disaster was gone. A light ran began to fall, and the other picnickers looked at me as if to say, "We told you not to worry."

Last night I dreamt I was driving but couldn't keep my foot securely on the pedal. My new clogs were making it hard to connect. I drove into a corner and wasn't sure how to get out. I backed out and put the car in drive. By accident I drove onto a plank that sent me ricocheting into the air. I flew through the air and landed safely.

So transparent. So hopeful.

I wonder what recurring dreams other people have.


Susan C said...

Great dreams and vivid recollections, Ronni.

After my auto SCT last year, I often had the "running nowhere" dream. I was not being chased, I wasn't in pursuit of someone or something and I had no destination. And yet I felt compelled to run.

I would wake up feeling exhausted.

donna said...

My "feet stuck in molasses" dream is the old dialing the phone under pressure scenario where you get all the way to the last number and then you goof up and have to start all over again. Everyone has storm clouds on the horizon, (some worse than others) at any given time in their lives. You have certainly been flung into the air and are now due for that good landing. I know you will land safely!

Anonymous said...

I think you have every right in the world to have those fears, dreams, and hopes. We all reflect and project as much as we want to stay "present".

I am so happy that all of your results are good ones. I know the other 1/2 of the BMB will show wonderful results as well.

You are doing a GREAT job!

Howard said...


Ever since I was a kid I have a dream about discovering unused rooms in whatever house I was living in at the time. Opening a door I had ignored and discovering another room. Usually well-decorated and a place I really want to spend time.

Figure that one out Dr Freud.


Anonymous said...

I get the twister dream when I'm really really stressed out. I grew up in Illinois after moving from Holland. We had no idea what tornados were or when to hide or stay calm. Needless to say we were in the basement a lot, even when there was just a thunderstorm passing by. Now that's the first place I go when I can't deal with things in my life- trying to find a safe, deep spot to escape to when the twister comes my way. I know you hate getting lost when you're in your van, seems like your dreams pick up that panicky feeling one gets when loosing control. Scary stuff, but so so telling!


Ann said...

My dream always involves getting arrested. Sometimes I get let go with a warning and sometimes I get a ticket. Wonder what that means?

Baby Bird said...

And here I thought I was the only one having vivid dreams. I just chalked it up to the medications. I have them every night, but if I don't immediately write them down, I quickly forget them.

Two nights ago I dreamed that I was producing a new tour for Madonna. She was a dominatrix and the show was titled "Grande Dom Madonna." (I seem to dream creatively at least). The first night the audio was not working and she whipped me backstage.

I don't even want to know what that's all about!