It was my re-birthday and I forgot all about it

Nobody can deny that many things have made it hard to concentrate and along with that, easy to forget.

Election, insurrection, inauguration, crazies in Congress, and of course, COVID. As a person with what one friend jokingly called "50 co-morbidities," I have been worried about the slow, and some say, ineffective, vaccine rollout in Massachusetts, the supposed pinnacle of healthcare in the country. Friends and relatives in the 65 and up group in other states have gotten their first shot, while in Massachusetts, Feb. 1 marked only the beginning of 75 and over. I have gotten on some waiting lists in the area, and Dana-Farber is going to vaccinate transplant patients. But it's unclear when it will happen. 

I was upset when the state for some reason moved those with two-plus co-morbidities down a rung. People ask, "Haven't you had that vaccine yet?" as they did when I was two weeks overdo with Ben. ("Haven't you had that baby yet?")

One of my doctors said we are 30th in the nation in terms of the rollout. Sheesh. 

On the other hand, I am well aware of vaccine inequities throughout the country, and throughout the world, with people in crowded living conditions not even knowing when they will have access to a vaccine, so I could, maybe, possibly, stop whining...

But wait, we have a new president! What a relief to see someone capable and sane in the office, from top to bottom. And press briefings with no insults! 

On inauguration day, I was nervous and excited, like I was anticipating a big party but afraid someone would crash it. In total, with running and walking, I did about nine miles. I don't usually admit it, but I think I overdid it with the five-miler in the morning. Stamina-wise, I could do it, and I got those endorphins that you don't get in a shorter run. But my knee started talking to me, sending some twingy signals. It is OK but I don't want to bust it. I need to save it for tennis season...and shorter runs.

Bernie in front of my house

And I got to be on the Bernie meme train. So much fun to have something to laugh about and be proud about instead of what could have been a day of tears. 

So wait, what did I forget?

I wrote this post about getting confused about my birthdays. I remembered my first birthday...and then forgot that Jan. 30th was my 12th re-birthday.

When Ben texted "Happy birthday," I had to think about it for a moment.

Then I checked my email and saw that Denise, my donor, had sent a happy re-birthday email.

Then I thought, wow, how strange to forget. I guess in a way it is good for it to not be such a focus. Frankly it is hard to remember which day or month it is. There aren't the same markers, such as tennis on certain days, then Starbucks or the Thirsty Mind, locally, and other places, for writing. It was much easier to finish something if I told myself I was going out to write somewhere and NOT coming back until I finished.

The Zoom yoga and fitness classes are some kind of marker, but they are all in the house, so it is not the same thing.

It just so happens that on Jan. 30th I had talked to both Diane and Margaret, who were both by my side through it all. We hadn't mentioned it, but maybe the universe invited me to call them.

On that day, it was freezing, and I had gone for a shorter run. I "instagrammed" a photo of me wearing the neck warmer that Joe gave me. 

Afterwards, when I remembered, I texted with Diane and Margaret about the transplant day and the events following the transplant, when I was hanging on for dear life. Feb. 14, "coma day," ... Feb. 22, the day Dr. Alyea called the troops and said I might not make it. 

It is good to remember, but not also so bad to forget.

Queen of Rashes stays true to form

Yesterday and the day before I was just sitting around minding my own business when I broke out in a mysterious rash. It wasn’t a drug or transfusion reaction because I hadn’t gotten any blood products and I wasn’t on any new antibiotics.

I watched as the hives popped up and then melded together, blossoming into bright red, itchy patches. The Queen of Rashes does it again. I’ve gotten so much Benadryl since then that I have lost track. I continued to get it today, and so far, no rash.

I also got a painful sore in my mouth. It’s not technically a mouth sore, but it’s red and inflamed. Yesterday I went downstairs to the dentist, as part of my pre-transplant workup. While I was there, I asked him to look at the thing in my mouth. He poked and prodded and announced that it would go away. Today it hurt so much that I could barely eat, so I broke down and took some Oxycodone, and then took another dose later. Needless to say, I spent much of today pretty zonked.

The inauguration kept me busy most of the day yesterday. I stayed in bed for a long time and watched the events starting around 9 a.m. I was transfixed. And although I try to avoid cliches, I have to say that much of it sent shivers down my spine. I felt a little decadent staying in bed so long, but then I reminded myself that I am in the hospital and I’m allowed to lie down.

I’ve been trying to do my bed and chair yoga and stretches. During the early part of my “visit,” I felt so sick and disheartened that I couldn’t even think of exercising, except for walking. But as I’ve begun to feel more like myself, the motivation is returning. And after I’m stretched out and have done the poses that I can do without hurting myself, I feel pretty good.

I assume that in a few days I’ll leave the holding pattern and start receiving my pre-transplant conditioning chemotherapy. I think they’re going to give me my own special concoction, but I’m not sure what that will be. I hope I don't lose my hair!

It's almost 10:30 and I was about to get into bed with a book, but I was just called down to MRI for a repeat look at my brain. They do most of the emergencies during the day and the in-patient population at night. My nurse said I was lucky, because sometimes people get called in the wee hours. Oh well, at least I just took my Ativan, and I might even sleep through it.