Looks like a trip to the dentist might be in order

(Piece of) tooth on a tray

There are so many times I wish I could talk to my friend Patricia, aka PJ, my doppelgänger in many ways. Same disease, same cancer center, both mother of three kids, both runners and sometime klutzes, both readers and writers...and both having lost teeth.

And both highly attuned to how ludicrous some serious things could seem.

We could write about such things on our blogs and be sure the other would comment. We talked about who had lost the moth teeth (me) and who had the most falls (probably her).

"I know what you mean," one of us would say, when something crazy came up. We'd compare notes, make a joke, offer support.

It's hard to believe she's been gone since 2014.

PJ, if you're listening, something ridiculous has come up.

I need to go to the dentist in a pandemic. Waaaaaaaa!

To back up, my remaining teeth are a mess. Yes, my remaining teeth. I wrote in a post about chemotherapy and teeth that I lost 12. It's a strange state of affairs when you can't remember how many teeth you have lost. But I think I got it wrong and it is actually 13. My remaining teeth are fragile. The dentist put a patch on a front tooth with a little piece missing. The little patch fell off. He glued it back on. Last week when I was eating a tortilla chip I felt an extra crunch. The little patch (probably not the correct dental term) had come off again.

I looked up whether you can go to the dentist. It depends. Broken teeth is in the category of yes you should go. I haven't made the call. I will do it today, I think. Sometimes the day goes by and I don't know where it went. When it was marked by going to tennis or yoga or Starbucks or my other favorite coffee places, it had more structure. I am trying to give it some structure. I imagine that's a challenge for everyone.

On Mother's Day I had a nice socially distant visit with Katie and Joe. We put chairs out in the driveway, scenically located next to the dumpster, still here because all work on the house has stopped. I noticed when doing yoga in the morning that Katie and my mother were watching me from a frame next to my grandmother's candy jar, on top of my Aunt Gertrude's secretary with the secret drawer.

I got in a good run yesterday between rain showers. The mileage from my phone also includes a few miles of dog walks.

I am trying to be mindful about not doing it every day, out of fear of activating the dreaded plantar fasciitis or hurting my knees. We're lucky to be in an area where you can go for a good run or walk without coming across too many people. The route alongside the river up towards McCray's Farm is beautiful. The birds seem to be louder. I can say hello to The Canoe Club across the river. It's good to see water. I stopped at the bottom of the hill and turned around to go back. McCray's is open, and I thought that if I were to live boldly, I might bring money next time and stop for an ice cream.

More drama on the dental front

Another great Health Union illustration

Of all my posts that Health Union has shared on its Bloodcancer.com facebook page, so far the one on Chemo and Teeth, Not a Pretty Picture, Part 1, has garnered the most reaction. (I had to write it in two parts because there was so much to say.)

Readers said they could relate to losing teeth and spending money. Clearly I am not alone.

I started out by expressing my dread when a tooth chipped not long ago. I wrote,

I don’t have much dental real estate to spare. I have lost 12 teeth, one by one or two at a time. It’s possible that my dentist might be able to repair the tooth. But the teeth I lost were so fragile they could not be repaired when they became decayed and either cracked, chipped or even crumbled. When I felt that I was chewing on something that should not be there, and when I spit the tiny piece of tooth into my hand, I thought, “Oh no, not again.”

I ended up losing the tooth and needing another bridge.

I don't have dental insurance. The plan available to me was terrible. In general, dental insurance stinks.

I explained, "Chemotherapy causes dry mouth, which is bad for dental health since saliva helps prevent tooth decay."

Also, a compromised immune system during chemotherapy opens the door for bacteria to have a field day on your teeth.

After I wrote the above part of this post, I was eating a salad and felt something sharp in my mouth. I spit the jagged piece out. It looked like a piece of a tooth. But I couldn't figure out where it came from. I went to look in the mirror. It looked like I had a piece of food lodged between my two front teeth. I looked closer. What I thought was food was actually a HOLE where part of my tooth had been. I'm afraid I'm going to lose the tooth. It is in the worst place.

This happened yesterday. I got a dentist for two days later. Today I called to see if they had a cancellation. I had a toothache. They couldn't fit me in. I'm going tomorrow.

Did I attract some malevolent toothy force by writing about my teeth???


Today I forgot my troubles during some good doubles at the Bay Road Tennis Club.

Somehow or other, though, I whacked my left arm with my racquet.  Must have been a misguided follow through.

A big purple bruise appeared almost immediately. Either I'm very strong or I have very thin skin. At least my partner and I won 6-0. The other two wanted a (fun) grudge match. We ran out of time at 4-4. I didn't want to go out in the pouring rain, so I sat around for a while and watched a Pickleball game.

Three cheers for fake teeth and longterm friendship

Hiding behind chocolate mold

News flash: For the first time in as long as I can remember, I am able to chew on both sides of my mouth.

It was a big day when Dr. Badri Debian, of Holyoke Dental Associates, gave me my newest bridge a couple of weeks ago. For a while he had said I didn't need it because I still had enough teeth on my upper right to be able to chew on that side. It didn't seem so to me. I chewed so much on my left side that I wore down the bottom teeth and needed a bridge. But when I lost my thirteenth tooth last month on my right upper, he decided it was time.

I never knew that I would be spending so much time thinking about teeth, or lack thereof.

Friends asked how the bridge was glued in. I have a tooth in front, but not in back. For some reason this sounded funny, and we started cracking up.

So it turns out that I don't have a traditional bridge, which would be a fake tooth connected to two existing teeth.

A bridge supported by a tooth on one side is a Cantilever bridge, and that is what I have.

Here is another word that is new to me: a pontic. That is the technical term, or euphemism, for a fake tooth.  

I keep forgetting that I can use my right side now, so I still favor my left. It's not perfect, because I'm missing a bottom molar, so I don't have a great connection. 

Dr. Debian has my back. He gives me a good discount and is in my opinion, a mensch. But since I don't have dental insurance because dental insurance stinks for people in my situation, it might be good for the bite in my mouth but it takes a bite out of my bank account.

Anne with cacao pod

I'm behind on other news. My Vassar classmate Anne Outwater and I had an interesting visit to Taza Chocolate Factory, in Somerville. It was a busy couple of days. 

I crammed a lot in on that Wednesday, but when a friend (Anne) who lives in Tanzania says she is going to be in Boston and would like to visit a chocolate factory run by a fellow Vassar graduate, and it is the same day that you need to be at Dana-Farber at 4, and you have already promised to sub in a tennis group at 9 in the morning, what are you going to do except try to do it all?

Somehow it worked out. Getting there was crazy, though. As I neared my destination, I was thwarted by blocked-off streets. 

I later learned that it was because of the large public transit expansion affecting Union Square in Somerville. An employee from the chocolate factory talked me in. I almost gave up. But I got there on time for a little introduction and tour that included tasting a lot of stone ground dark chocolate of various textures and tastes. We learned that the higher the cacao levels, the more health benefits there are. Unfortunately I like milk chocolate better. But I'm learning to like dark chocolate.

I took a selfie with Anne but erased it because I had a big red mark on my nose, resulting from a zapping, or cryosurgery, on a precancerous spot. I conveniently displayed a mold by holding it over my nose. 

Afterwards we got in my car and went to Dana-Farber so she could sit with me while I got my blood treated. It was the only other time we would have together. Quite the difference from when we rode bikes around Prince Edward Island together and she placed a blue shield around us so that the dogs would not get us. 

Anne does not drive in Tanzania. I think I should have told her to close her eyes on the drive through Boston traffic. 

Anne has a Ph.D. in nursing and has an impressive job and title: Head of Department of Community Health Nursing at Muhimbili University of Health and Allied Sciences in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. Before that, she was a medical officer in the peace corps. The nurses were impressed with her! She was also impressed by the nurses and interested in what they were doing. She got a quick lesson in ECP, or extracorporeal photopheresis for graft vs. host of the skin.

My compadres Larry and Lisa were also there. The three of us always come at 4 p.m. every other Wednesday. I don't know the name of the other man who is always there. Sometimes he is behind a screen. Due to traffic, we got there last, but I finished before Larry and Lisa, because they each use just one arm. I told Anne how it came about that I use two arms, one for drawing and the other for simultaneously returning. It was because one day Mark, my nurse for the day, came up and asked if I wanted to use two arms, and before I had a chance to balk, he put the second needle in.

Depending on where the nurse places the needle, I can sometimes use my right arm. But it was at an awkward place, so I couldn't. It was good that Anne was there to talk to. She was impressed with the nurses. When the procedure was finished, Mark walked Anne out to show her where to get the T. 

It was also a good thing I was going to Margaret and Nick's, because I was too tired to drive home.

My construction obstacles persisted, though. I have been to their house many times but got confused when getting off at the exit that I usually take off Route 128/95.  It looked different. I ended up where I didn't want to be and then had to circle around.

Margaret said the changes were due to something called the Add a Lane project. I was glad to hear I wasn't making it up and there was a reason for my confusion.

I had hoped that one of the doctors at ECP could remove the stitches from the Mohs surgery on a squamous cell cancer on my right temple. A doctor came over prepared to do it, but when he saw that it was running stitches, he said he couldn't; you need finer scissors and a better light. He asked Melissa to call ahead to the Faulkner Hospital Mohs Surgery Center to see if they could take me the next morning. He called it the Pregame. He said, in the meantime, to just go in the morning and assume they would see me. She texted me to ask if I could get there at 10:45. I was already on my way. Yay team!

The next day I drove home in the pouring rain. I went straight to a hair appointment that I had in Northampton. I don't have any construction-related explanations for getting there at the wrong time, 3 instead of 2. Getting out of my car, I couldn't open my umbrella. Getting soaked, I fumbled for my credit card to use in the meter. I dropped the card in the rain. I couldn't find it anywhere, so I thought maybe it was in my car. But I canceled the card anyway. This is a pain because a lot of things are attached to it.

The next day, I got a call from a man who said he found my card. He said he looked me up and found me via my website. He said he wanted me to know that he was a veteran and he wouldn't have tried to use the card. I thanked him profusely and said I had already canceled it. But it was nice to know that such a person existed.

Meanwhile, someone had gotten a hold of the number for my LL Bean card and put more than $2,000 in fake charges on it. The credit card company didn't catch it. I believe they should have. After I called, they removed all but one small charge. I told them it was also a fake charge. They said no problem, they would not charge me interest while they looked into it. They charged me interest and a late fee. I called and said to take it off. They said they would take it off and look into why there was a stray $58 charge on it...with interest. I said OK.

When I tried to use the card, it was rejected. I called to try to find out why. Of course as most people know, it is bad for your health to try to get through to a real person at a credit card company. You cannot just press zero. I yelled into the phone, agent, agent, agent. When I finally got a person, they said it was locked because I hadn't paid them the $58 even though it was in dispute.

They don't care, but I said that as soon it is resolved and I use my coupons, I'm going to cancel the card.

Sorry for the rant.

A loose tooth, a big wave, and the meaning of it all

Another night, another nightmare back in the dentist's chair.

Did I say I lost 12 teeth? Yes, of course I did, and my subconscious keeps chewing on it. (Sorry not sorry about the pun.)

I dreamt the dentist was poking a pointy instrument inside of my lower lip, moving it around like he was looking for something. I didn't know what it was. Finally he fished out a big molar and held it up on a skewer for me to see.

It was my only remaining tooth on my upper left. I was extremely upset because I can barely chew on the right. He said not to worry and popped it back in place. I asked was he sure it would stay there. He said it would, and if it popped out again he could put it back. I was dubious. But I went on my way.

The way led to one of those big wave dreams. Maybe you have had them. I know some other people who have. I guess it is common because when I looked it up, I typed "what does a big wave" and it filled in "mean in a dream."

According to the author of a  blog about dreams, "If we look at water in our dreams as a symbol of our emotions and feelings, part of our inner world, then tidal waves can be like our emotions welling up and getting a little out of control." 

The writer, Amy Campion, continued, "Tidal wave dreams and tsunami dreams invite us to dive into our subconscious, then perhaps we can learn to swim or surf and enjoy the experience of being at one with our-self, of exploring our emotions.  If we are lucky, we may even learn to breathe under water.

In last night's dream, I was standing with my family against a sea wall when a big wave started rolling in. It was me, my mother, Katie, and two others. (I don't know who.) As the wave got closer, we all took a big breath and dove in. I did it like I used to do but would never do now because I'm not steady enough. I faced the wave and plunged under. I told Katie to do the same.

The water calmed and I popped up. Then my mother. Then the others. I looked anxiously for Katie, and then her head appeared out of the water.

Another wave was coming and I said to my mother, come on, let's move to higher ground.

So we all did. I think that was a pretty good ending.

What, me stress?

How many of you have a good side and a bad side of your mouth?

Probably not that many. I haven't talked about my teeth for a while, so, to recap (ouch, a pun), I will remind you that I lost 12 teeth, which obviously leaves me with 20. I don't have good contact on my right side, where I did not get a bridge, but I do have it on my left side. Getting the bridge there was a happy day because before I got it I could basically only eat mush.

Last week a piece chipped off a tooth on my left side, making it hard to chew, so now I am back to having two bad sides. I made an an appointment for Tuesday, which is as soon as I can get it, at which point my dentist is going to chastise me because I did not make the mouth guard he recommended getting from CVS.

He said the tops of my teeth are jagged because I have been grinding them.  I looked up the reasons for bruxism and they can include stress and anxiety. I don't know what I have to stress about. He wants me to wear the store-bought one to get in the habit and then he'll make me the expensive kind. But they're not covered by insurance and he doesn't want me to waste my money if I'm not going to wear it. I think I'll do it tomorrow.

Another small but bothersome thing is the spot on my face that the face burn from a few weeks ago did not get. Ellen, the physician's assistant, said she didn't like the look of it: raised and flakey like the squamous cell cancers I have had had. Dr. Lin said not to worry because the PDT would take care of it. My skin has peeled nicely but the spot is still there. It needs to be looked at.

Since I'm going this Wednesday for my blood thing and a checkup with Melissa, I called the dermatology office to see if I could pop in on Thursday. I called too late on Friday to get the message to Dr. Lin.The nurse said she would probably not get back to me until Tuesday. I said I needed to arrange for rides and asked if I could find out on Monday. She said probably not.

Jennifer (Dr. Lin) had given me her personal email a while back and told me to use it if I have a question. She likes to see photos, so with some difficulty I took a picture of the spot, which is on my left jawline near my ear. I emailed her and asked if someone could look at it next week.

In the subject line I wrote, Sorry to bother you at home....

She hasn't written back.

Hopefully it just needs to be frozen. It would be nice to know by Monday whether I can see someone so that I can arrange my rides accordingly. But mostly I hope it is not another squamous cell just sitting there.